Me. At least after what I've been through.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
