i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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