One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
