I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
