Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
