I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
