I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
