so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
