I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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