Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is my gift to your gina
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
