As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
