I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
