What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i think my cat just said my name.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
