You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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