I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
