I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
