He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
