is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
