I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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