New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
