he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
