she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
