i permit you to call me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
