so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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