i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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