What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
