I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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