I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
