thus making me awesome and them whores
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
