Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
