her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
