I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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