Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
