since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
