Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
third nipple confirmed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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