If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
