she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
