i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
