my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We named our party play list daddy issues
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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