White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
