she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
