"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
