Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
