You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
