the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
