I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
