Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Text me some of your sweat
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
