She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
His nipple licking is glorious
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
