I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
