Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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