so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
