So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
