the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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