Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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