Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
