Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
