the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Even my vagina gasped.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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