I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
