I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
