I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
