I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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