JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
