You're so nebulous sometimes
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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