Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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