he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
