I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize