adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
