and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
