Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
