R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
