There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
